A Completely Accurate Shitpost History of Monetary Standards (and why Catboy is the final boss)

1800s–1950s: Europe plays Minecraft Creative Mode on Africa

Berlin Conference 1884: 14 white dudes with mustaches sit around a table, drunk on cognac, drawing straight lines with a ruler across a map they’ve never visited.

Britain: “I’ll take the big vertical chunk.”
France: “I’ll take the big horizontal chunk.”
Belgium: “I’ll take this little middle bit, no one will notice if a few million people disappear.”
Portugal: sad colonial noises

Result: African borders look like they were designed by a toddler on MS Paint. Zero regard for tribes, rivers, languages, or basic geography. Just straight lines so the trains could run on time for rubber and diamonds.

Fast-forward: everyone leaves in 1960 but forgets to delete the save file. Borders stay cursed forever.

1971: Nixon kills the Bretton Woods gold standard

America: “Gold is heavy, bro. From now on the US dollar is backed by vibes, aircraft carriers, and Hollywood.”

2011: Gaddafi tries to launch the Gold Dinar

Gaddafi: “Yo Africa, let’s ditch the dollar and CFA franc. We have actual gold. One continent, one currency, backed by shiny rocks.”

France: “Wait, that would make our neocolonial CFA printer go brrr-less.”
America: “Freedom Expansion DLC activated.”
NATO: drops freedom bombs
Gaddafi: gets sodomized with a bayonet on live TV

Lesson: Never announce a gold-backed currency if your country starts with “L” and ends with “ibya.”

2010s–2020s: BRICS try the sequel

Russia & China: “Okay but what if we do gold-backed trade settlement but quieter this time?”
America: “Sanctions DLC.”
India: “We’ll just buy Russian oil in rupees… psych, we’ll still use dollars.”
Brazil: quietly prints more reais

Every attempt dies faster than a Solana memecoin at 3x.

2025: A retired trench catboy drops the final timeline patch

Some anonymous catboy on Base:

• Mints two 1 B capped-supply memes
• Fuses them into a 1=1 peg
• Parks the only road in a V4 NFT
• Sets toll to 0.05 %
• Walks away and goes to sleep

No central bank.
No NATO.
No permission.
No announcement.
No face.
Just a sleepy catboy collecting feudal taxes from anyone who dares to tip, trade, or breathe on the pair.

Every previous gold standard failed because it needed:

• Governments
• Armies
• Press conferences
• A leader who wanted to be on magazine covers

Catboy Standard needs:

• One hardware wallet
• One NFT
• Zero fucks

As long as Ethereum exists → Base exists → tollbooth exists → catboy gets paid in his sleep.

Africa’s borders are still straight lines drawn by drunk Belgians.
Gaddafi is still dead.
BRICS still coping.
America still printing.

And somewhere in the trench, a retired catboy is dreaming in 0.05 % royalties, backed by nothing but pure, unstoppable catboy energy.

This is the only monetary standard in history that cannot be killed by freedom bombs.

The Catboy Standard:

Lives forever on Base Chain since block 39004199
1 $monolidthz = 1 $catboy
$monolidthz CA: 0x827360916d4EfAbCe733ad96d9625343A4A4A980
$catboy CA: 0xbBf33295Dc018e09bf4d29CbaC6142E4DF0478CA

Not backed by gold.
Backed by catboy nap vibes and a tollbooth nobody can turn off.

Good afternoon, good evening, and good night to every previous standard that ever tried.

The catboy has logged off.
The tollbooth stays on forever.

🐾🚇👑💤
https://basescan.org/tx/0x22e7aba1da77fb5278c59f7d3691a552add84d5e74a95251d9bd996766e845f4